I intended to make this blogging thing an everyday, or as close to an everyday event as possible. Then I remembered who I am. The Queen of Fail. No really, I had a friend in college who said that if I was a Care Bear I would be "Bad Luck Bear". I think that means my tummy charm light thing would be a person being struck by three different lightning bolts at one time. It's cool, Grumpy Bear was always my favorite (besides Braveheart Lion of course!). So what major catastrophe occurred this time? Let me tell you...
I think it was in my last post that I ranted about my swimmers ear/ear infection. Well, on Tuesday of this week I woke up feeling god awful. Like I had the flu without the actual yakking. But I sucked it up like the trooper I am (that and because although my job is awesome experience the pay is next to nothing and there are no benefits like oh say sick days or personal days. Total crap, I know, but have you tried finding a job out there these days? No? That's because you can't!) I shipped myself off to work. Needless to say I made it half way through the day before I threw in the towel and dragged my sorry butt back home and immediately crashed in my bed for two blissful coma like hours until The Gremlin returned home. Woke up Wednesday not feeling too too bad, pretty fatigued, and with a ping pong ball sized lump behind my right ear. What the hell? Really? And that was my good ear too! Dragged myself back to work, called the doctor's for a third time in two weeks, and managed to get an appointment. Well, by the time my appointment rolled around I had a matching set of ping pong balls and couldn't turn my head in either direction. And god damn it, was it a million degrees in there or what?!?! Went to the doctor's was told it was my lymph nodes, I probably had a type of flu and my body was reacting to that, had a slight fever, take Tylenol every four hours, call if something changes blah blah blah. Oh and by the way, do you have a rash? Um, no, but thanks for asking...I think. Stopped and got Tylenol, went back to work. Finished out the day. Got home and at this point it dawned on we that I hadn't eaten anything. All day. And had no desire to eat anything. Tried to, got a third of the way through something, and yeah no wasn't going to happen. Went to bed. Wake up Thursday. STILL feeling crappy. My mother practically begged me to stay home. I compromised telling her I would leave at one when my coworker showed up or come right back if my other coworker was in. Was at work for one hour and I notice spots on my hands. Then I realize my chest, back, and neck are itchy. Not only itchy, but feeling like a sunburn too. I scuttled to the bathroom and low and behold....a rash! Awesome, man, awesome. Wait it out until one and then leave for home where all I can think about is putting on a sweatshirt and some socks because god damn it I am FREEZING! So that's exactly what I did. Plus a fleece blanket. I immediately crashed on the couch. I vaguely recall my dad stopping by, asking what was wrong with me, talking to me about The Gremlin's party, then leaving. Next to drop in were my mother and The Gremlin. I got the words "Do I have a..." out of my mouth before my mother took one look at me and said "Let's go, we're going to the emergency room". Uh oh, I must have looked bad. Get to the emergency room, explain myself to check in, wait a few, go into the triage room answer some more questions, take my temp, my blood pressure (100/70, very nice) and blah blah blah. Get my bracelet, so attractive. Give out my insurance information....then sit in the waiting room for forever playing "Guess what's wrong with that person game". Always a fun time. From a general glance over the crowd seemed like one broken foot, a sprained ankle, a broken hand, and someone needed stitches...not too bad. EMTs came in at one point with a man on a stretcher. They swapped him into a wheelchair and then left him....in the middle of the room...and he didn't speak English. He promptly fell asleep. And snored. FELL ASLEEP AND SNORED. How much pain can you possibly be in that you fall asleep and snore??????? Just wondering.
Anyway, they finally call me in and at this point my mother has been watching me turn redder and redder and redder. And I'm getting itchier and itchier and itchier. Apparently even the whites of my eyes turned red. Cool. So it's safe to say I was more than happy to hear my name be called. But what terrible fate should await behind those double locked doors? A two and a half hour wait in the little room. Because there were a whopping four people in front of me. Oi. My mother paced, I laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, complaining that they could have at least left out some coloring books and crayons or something. My mother paced some more, commented on how much redder I was getting, I considered blowing up every single pair of blue latex free gloves, tried not to scratch. My mom complains. She thought they were just starting to sew up Stitches Girl, but really they had just finished and she missed it. I wondered out loud if anyone had every tried to hold onto the little metal curlicue arms for IV bags suspended from the ceiling like a zip line. My lips got itchy. Then my throat. I tried not to panic.
Finally, the guy who I can only assume was the ER doctor came in. I say assume because he came swooshing in and didn't even introduce himself. Just came right out with "Why are you here today?". Oh ok, no silly formalities, it's ok I don't want to know the name of the doctor I am speaking with. Pffft, who does that anyway? Introduces themselves. Way old school, man. I explain to him the rash, tell him about the lymph node thing, explain to him at least three times that I haven't taken anything for the rash, then try to explain to him about the ear infection. Because as I found out the day before this was no ordinary ear infection, it was a MRSA infection. He didn't believe me. Oh, you caught me, I just go around telling people that for sh*ts and giggles. My freaking doctor did a culture! That's how I know it was a MRSA infection. Cripes. So then he takes the ear scope thing and jams it in my ear asking if that hurt. Dude, I'm fairly certain you just poked me in the brain, YES THAT HURT. Then this guy takes it and immediately jams it in my other ear....without cleaning it off first. Really? REALLY? Was that ok for you to do? Because that other ear was my GOOD ear. Dr. RandomGuy decides it's an allergic reaction to "sulfa" which means it was the bactrim I had been taking. For almost a week. Awesome.
So that was my week. I'm alive. Maybe not healthy but alive. I'm covered in a rash from head to toe. But I'm alive. I have rash on the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. But I'm alive. I'm on three different meds and I'm woozy. But I'm alive. I look....awful and patchy. BUT I'M ALIVE. When it rains, it pours. And when I get sick, I don't do this sh*t half assed, I commit.
I'll leave you with another Gremlin Gem (ooh, I like that!):
He was sitting on his little night time potty (our bathroom is downstairs and I'd rather he not attempt going down there in the middle of the night half asleep) looking at a pumpkin carving book (he's so my kid) and proclaimed, "Mumma.....that's crazy...mumma, why is there sandwiches with the pumpkins? They have sandwiches with the pumpkins! That's so crazy." Ha ha, this kid, he makes everything so much better.
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