Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!?!

I turned 25 and everything went to Hell. Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But only slightly! Within the two months since I turned *gag* a quarter of a century *sob* I managed to get a severe eye infection (rendering it impossible to wear my contacts which is a shame because this is summer the season of many many sunglasses *sigh*) and swimmer's ear that in all actuality was a middle ear infection. I know, right? An ear infection? At 25? Pfft, who knew. Once I turned 10 you woulda thought I'd grow out of those. But alas, I have the worst issues with throat and ear related ailments. No really, my senior year of high school alone I had whooping cough (oh how joyous THAT is), double ear infections (told you), strep throat (spelling?), mono, and an allergic reaction to a medication (itchy from the inside out, a truly odd sensation). Dude, I totally know what you're thinking- Get this chick a plastic bubble STAT!!! It's crazy. However this ear thing really takes the cake. Initially I went into the doctor and said "Hey, you know, there's this throbbing in my ear. Call me crazy but I do have some personal experience with this type of pain and I do believe I have myself an ear infection". To which I was told I had swimmer's ear. I nearly laughed myself right off that stupid table (you know the one with the crinkly tissue paper that you can never be comfortable sitting on, but you don't want to move because no one can hear you over the freaking gift wrap under you!). Me? Swimmer's ear? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! (See what I did there? Tricky.)

I am NOT a swimmer. I hate bathing suits. HATE THEM. And therefore have refrained from swimming since I was, oh, 12. Give or take. However the weekend before this stupid ear fiasco started I did put on a bathing suit *Gasp* and go into the pool at my sister's. All for The Gremlin to sit at the edge of the pool refusing to get in ("No, I'm fine. Go away.") BUT I did NOT swim, my head did NOT go under water. Not ONCE in the whole two hours. I have witnesses to prove it! Including my sister who, when she heard about my diagnosis, laughed and said "Clearly they meant you have "Causually Standing in a Pool for Two Hours Ear". Exactly.

So I went and picked up my prescription for ear drops. At Walgreens. Because it would be faster than driving to my hometown to my normal pharmacy so I would miss less of the work day. HA! Obviously I forgot who I am. The phone system at the Walgreen's pharmacy was down and what havoc that wrought! Finally got my ear drops, did what the directions told me to do for so many days, and YAY! The pain went a way. Only to come back two days later. -.- Really? I followed the directions! Back to the doctor I went where they looked at me like "Oh you poor thing, you're that one in a million girl that the meds don't work on". Gee, thanks, let me break out my tiny violin. ANOTHER prescription for ANOTHER ear drop AND an oral antibiotic later. AFTER they jammed long q-tips in my ear to take cultures. THIS BETTER WORK....

Two days later, voicemail from the doctor's- "We got your culture back. Turns out the amoxicillin we prescribed won't help. Stop taking it immediately. We are calling in a different prescription (which means you have a middle ear infection) for you. Have a good weekend!"....Really....I'm going to hope that, since I can't hear out of my left ear, you actually said "Gave a shrewd befriend" because you are clearly so high off the hand santizing fumes in the office that you couldn't possibly make sense and I didn't hear you wish me a pleasant weekend...-.-