My middle name. Seriously, man. I suck at this. Which is sad because I had such high hopes for this whole blogging shenanigans. I s'pose it's not all that sad. There is still time. There's always time. Except when you need it. Or want it. Then there's no time to be found. But I digress...What else is new? I would like to point out that not only did I use the term "digress" properly, I also spelled it correctly. YES! This is the sad life I live where that makes me happy and proud of myself. It's the little things, right?
Has anyone else ever noticed that as soon as you decide to start moving on the goals you want to achieve 800 bajillion obstacles spring up in your way? Is it just me that this happens to? It's obnoxious either way. My life was populated with enough obstacles to begin with, I don't need any extra. I promise I've gotten my fair share.
You know what else I've gotten enough of? Judgment. What is with people? And judging? Like really? Judge me for how I look. Judge me for being a single mom. Judge me for working full time while being a single mom. Judge me for not being through college yet WHILE being a single mom WHILE working full time. Judge, Judge, JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE! Enough already! It's ridiculous. What happened to "don't judge a book by it's cover" or "walk a mile in another person's shoes"? Granted, that last one is a little risky in the sanitation department, but still. It's getting out of control.
And I do realize that sometimes people pass judgment without really realizing they are doing it. Or they make you feel less than you are without meaning to. For example, Gremlin's great aunt on his father's side (complicated much?) saw him for the first time in two years or so yesterday. She was asking questions and commenting on him and happened to ask me about working which then sparked a question about school. I felt about as big as a ladybug after that conversation.
I would have given just about anything to have been able to be home with Gremlin while he was growing up. ANYTHING. I don't enjoy the moments when he calls me Grammy or my mother Mommy by accident. That hurts my heart in a place I didn't even know existed. When I miss ANYTHING he does or says I feel like scum.
And in the same sense, I would have given just about anything to be able to have completed college by now. To not have to keep myself up until all hours to finish an assignment I've had to restart three times because I'm so tired I can't remember the paragraph I JUST read.
And before someone jumps on the bandwagon, I realize my decisions have led me to where I am. That the way my life is right now is a direct result of my own behavior and actions. But don't you think that's enough punishment? I make myself guilty enough on a regular basis to last several lifetimes. I don't need complete or even not complete strangers tossing in their two cents. Just saying.
I want to move forward in life. Granted, I know I'm more forward (so to speak) than I was 6 months to a yr ago. I know I've changed, progressed in an overall positive manner (we all have our moments!). But I want to actually feel like this progression is heading towards an overall achievment. Something important, major, exciting. Something I can feel super great about. Like oh say graduating college. Or finding a home. Or let's say a job that's worth the time that I spend away from Gremlin.
That would rock my socks.
